Photo by digitalart. Published on 09 June 2011
Dear people, this is new and out of my comfort zone. Â But when you know you’ve been pushed along to share your story you must obey and do so. So here goes…. Â I hope this starts a new conversation between you and I. Â I hope it helps with opening discussion amongst neighbors, co-workers, family, and friends. Â We all can learn from one another, and unless we have an open race conversation, we will continue to have hatred, harden hearts and hurt. Â It’s ok to talk about race issues, and it’s ok to SEE COLOR. Â I SEE SKIN COLOR EVERY DAY!
Now, do understand something. Â I do NOT speak for the entire black race. Â I can only share my stories and my views. Â So, let me begin….I SEE COLOR! Â Yes, I see you are a white woman or white man. Â I see you are a black woman or black man. Â And I see you are a brown woman or brown man. Â And yes, I categorize you in one of those three. Â No, I don’t mean anything racist by it, it’s just facts. Â I may not know your exact Nationality or Ethnicity, but I can identify your skin tone as one of the three.
What I See When I First Meet You – I See Skin Color
I’ve told you before that I meet and love meeting new people. Â It’s part of my life as a military wife. Â When I first see you, I see a white lady. Â I don’t know you; I don’t know anything about you. Â All I know is I’m standing at the bus stop with a group of white ladies and one brown woman. Â As time goes by, we begin to chat, and introductions begin. Â Hmmm….I’m not going to remember ten different names. It’s just not going to happen. But, what I do remember is…..white lady that said she’s from Texas. Â White lady with blue hair and a bit edgy. Â White lady that loves yoga. Â White lady that I kept trying to figure out how much she worked out cause I kept looking at her arms and back (most definitely my pre workout days. Â lol). Ok, got it! Â And yes, this is a real encounter here. Â Stay with me.
Me identifying these ladies as white does not make me racist.  These ladies identifying me as the black lady with big hair doesn’t make them racist. But so many people are afraid of color.  So many people are quick to say, “I don’t see color.  I will beg to differ.  We ALL see color; it just DOESN’T Matter to most.Â
Having The Race Conversation
Look, let me be real with you. Â Most of the time I’m the only black lady in the group (and I’m going to talk about this in an upcoming post). Â And I always wait to see the responses and reactions when race comes up, cause it presents itself in many conversations.
And yes, I’ve brought it up purposefully at times. Why? Â I need to know your reaction. Â Will you be comfortable if you’re out with me and someone says something? Â Do you have my back if some uncomfortable situation arises? Â How open are you? Â I don’t have time for friends that are afraid to have open and honest conversations. Â It baffles me when people try to identify someone. Â In my mind I’m thinking…..just say, “black lady or black man.” We can narrow this down so much quicker if you Just Say It! But it’s rare that I find someone that’s just that comfortable.
That was until meeting one of my best friends(well, I consider her, she may want to throw me off a cliff). Â I met this lady during one of our many military moves. Â Boy oh boy. Â I didn’t like her when we first met. Â It had nothing to do with her being white. She just talked to darn much. Â She talks more than I do and I can talk. Â But, I love this chick. Â And I don’t think (ok, I know) she wasn’t a fan of me when we first met either. Â Two talkers at the same location, trying to meet others. Â Man oh, man.
But I can say that I’ve learned a lot from our open conversations, and I hope she’s learned a lot from me. Â We can ask questions, share experiences and not worry about offending one another. Â And no, it’s not like race comes in our conversations all the time, but we know we can ask one another questions and have candid conversations with one another. Â FOLKS, we NEED more of this! Â More open conversations, more listening to understand and not to try to up one on a race issue.
Parents, You MUST Have Open Race Conversations With Your Kids
And parents, it’s ok that your child notices their little friend’s skin is darker or lighter than theirs. Â It’s ok for them to ask questions, it’s ok for them to talk about getting a tan and their skin getting dark like their little friends. Â When you hush the innocent conversations, and I hear you quieten it, my mind thinks there’s more said at home that is indeed racist talk. Â In most situations I do know it’s you just being uncomfortable, but why be uncomfortable about race?
Children are curious and mostly innocent.  Hatred is learned.  Which in today’s society means at home, school, playground, and media.  If you are not having discussions at with your children about race and about accepting all people, then someone else will. This could mean them seeing racial tension unfold on TV and around them, someone else talking to them about hating or excluding others because of the color of one’s skin, etc.
Just because you wouldn’t tolerate it, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be a discussion. Â We talk to our kids about drugs and sex, right? Â So, why be afraid to speak to them about race!
Stay tuned, click subscribe in the sidebar, like my Facebook page or all of the above to be notified of future posts. Â One being about ways to open up race conversations with your kids. Â Cause we DO have this discussion in our home.
Know You, Be You, Love You
~MomJonz
These are all my views and my opinions. Â I am not here to have a debate, just to share my 2 cents. Â I look forward to reading your comments rather you agree or not. Â Just be classy and respect my and other’s opinions as I will respect yours. Â
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It’s so funny, because moving to Japan, I was more scared of your husband being an officer & we being an enlisted family because I had never “mixed” with officers wives before LOL!!
I think it’s labels that get in the way of getting to know people.
I grew up in an area of Kentucky where black people stayed with black people and white people stayed with white people and you really didn’t mix with one another.
Growing up in the 1980s & 90s, before having kids (lol), I was a skinny white girl (I swear my son stole my metabolism). In middle school, black guys would hit on me & black girls would get angry that the black guys were hitting on me (I wasn’t interested in them or any boy for that matter, but that didn’t matter). The girls would get aggressive and they wanted to fight me and I don’t (or didn’t) like confrontation at ALL!!! I was very intimidated and they knew it!! Now I consider myself more passive-aggressive, I just don’t care for drama!!
It wasn’t until we moved to San Diego in 2010 and moved next to Marine SSgt Daniel Craig (we’d always joke that he’s the black James Bond…..lol) & Family that I was able to REALLY get to know a person of color and I love her like a sister & her kids & husband (well he’s tolerated……lol).
I mean I’ve had co-workers of all races, but never really got overly close to any one person, at least not like I did with my bestie Tamica or you & others while in Japan!
I’m like you, in that yes, I do see color, but it doesn’t mean I’m automatically gonna like or dislike you. Now there are black people I don’t like just like there are white people (some even family members) who I don’t like at all!! LOL
Girl! I love you to pieces!! You are truly one of a kind!!!!
I’m sitting here cracking up. Cause I remember when we first met and you said Kentucky. I was like…Awwww…..DAMN!!!! I can’t even deal with a Wildcat. ROFL I’m just me at ALL times. We all see color, but not judging others because of it is what is important.
Good thoughts, I like hearing more honest and open opinions on skin color!
Very insightful… to say otherwise would be disingenuous. When it comes down to it, it’s how you handle it. Thanks for sharing
It’s great that you posted about this. People who say they don’t see color are cause more damage than they know. If you don’t see color how can you identify that someone was being treated in a racist way? How can you have statistics on how many black people are murdered by police? If you don’t see color you cannot go further.
Brilliant discussion. So many people are afraid to speak in color in fear of being labeled racist. My kids have been taught to see people before skin color but I like the way you look at people.
Well put Sybil! However, I hate to be the only person with an opposing opinion, but my own cultural experiences, have made me not necessarily disagree, but definitely not agree. Obviously, I do see skin color, and while I do judge each person for who they are individually, I am also aware of the underlying reality that your heritage always matters. As oblivious most may be, when I watch my television, I see about 80% (guesstimation) of people who look nothing like me. At least 15% of the people who do look like me, are NOTHING like me or anyone where I’m from. Then the 5% who are like me or where I’m from, have attitudes/demeanors/lifestyles so exaggerated, that it’s super hard to relate. As a “black” (which I prefer not to be called considering I am actually more of a tannish sandy reddish tone… caramel) Hebrew woman, living in this world, I feel that as a culture we are always reminded of how insignificant we are, despite our continued contributions to the WORLD as we know it, we are often times viewed as aggressive or as someone to be feared and contained. Fact of the matter is, me personally speaking, color/race/culture/heritage will always matter. As beautiful as is sounds to say it doesn’t, it does! Not a rule I made, just a world I was born in to. As taught in Sunday school as a young kid, it’s always best to treat each person as you would want them to treat you, your parents, grandparents and your kids. Last thing, if you don’t speak up in situations of inequality, no matter where it’s coming from, you too are the problem. Prayers to anyone affected by Hurricane Harvey, God bless!
And those are points I will touch on as I continue with this topic. Hubby and I just had the conversation the other day about watching TV and what do our kids see portrayed as being black. There’s only one black show I can think of at this moment that shows a healthy family dynamic and that is Blackish. The other shows with black Americans are about fast money, women, drugs. The color of one’s skin doesn’t make treat them any less of a human being. I hope you subscribed so you can follow the rest of my posts about this topic because trust me…I’m going to dig a bit deeper.
I love your approach to this topic. I agree. I SEE skin color as well. It’s natural and inevitable. Yet it doesn’t matter. The person is what makes the impact for me – not their color.
Thank you. We all see skin color. People can say they don’t see it all day long, but we do. I’m going to touch more on this and hopefully, it will bring conversation and understanding amongst people.
One of my first jobs as a bank teller required going thru drills of what to do during a robbery. We would be quickly shown a pic, then have it removed for you to recall what you saw in the photo. Well it isnt enough to just say male in a blue shkrt, if you were to describe to the police by description . It is more detailed to advise color of skin. So yes I see color too just from an awareness point of view.
Exactly! Some people feel it’s a bad thing to see or describe by the color of skin. Not at all.
Love this. This has been a topic at our church for the past 2 weeks. I grew up in a home where my parents taught me to get along with people of all races. How you conveyed this was on point. I guess being in church and when I realized what the message was about the second go round, I was like I don’t want to hear this again. I kinda blocked it all out because I was like it didn’t apply to me.
What I’ve realized over the past few days and even in reading your post, everyone doesn’t have the same view point. So, it is a discussion which definitely needs to be had.
I chuckled at you saying not wanting to hear this again. I was the same way. I used to be like…ohhhh….here we go again, but there have been some things that have happened that made me realize I needed to speak out. And so many I’ve met over the years are terrified to describe someone’s skin color. Thanks for taking the time to hear it again. 🙂
I agree. People who claim to be color blind just aren’t open to the conversation. Thank you for this honest post. We definitely do need more conversation like this.
If we don’t have the conversations we will continue down the same path. Thanks for reading.
I LOVE THIS. I have always felt that to say that we don’t see color or that God doesn’t see color is crazy and a lie. First of God created color and it is beautiful. Thanks for your post. It’s awesome. I’m coming back for a re read and a share. You Go Girl!
Thank you Rosemerry. I always do the head tilt like a little puppy when people say that to me. No, we see color and it’s perfectly fine. It’s how you treat the person that matters.