You Are Not Alone

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Mamas, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  Yes, you read that right!  So many times as moms we feel we are on this journey by ourselves, and no one understands “OUR” situation.

I remember when I had my first daughter.  We were living in Kingsbay, GA.  No family nor friends in the area.  We were excited and nervous, but I didn’t dare tell anyone how nervous I was to bring a child into this world.  People that knew me from my hometown were shocked that this gal was even pregnant.  Hmmm….I didn’t like kids.  Yeah, I NEVER volunteered to babysit, and if you had kids, we were not hanging out. This has changed since I have three of my own.  Well, kinda, sorta.  It’s simple; we can do lunch with our kids, but if we are hanging out after 6 p.m. I want to be an adult and be free.

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So, here we were, a young married couple living the American Dream. We had your typical 3 bedroom/2 bath home built with a privacy fence for our two dogs (Buster and Pierre).  My hubby was aboard a submarine out of Kingsbay and life was good.  That was until the doctor confirmed that we were indeed pregnant. I didn’t know anything about a baby and what about our trip to Miami? Yes, those were my exact thoughts.

Anywho, yeap, I ran out to purchase the famous What To Expect When Expecting and read it from cover to cover (numerous times).

The day came that our precious baby entered the world.  The Softball Chef was a cute little chubby thing.  Along my pregnancy journey, I made an amazing friend that was also pregnant (there’s a story about this friendship being made).  Our husbands were attached to the same boat, so we spent a lot of time together during deployments.  We hung out, talked, had lunch, dinner, late night snacks and everything in between.  Why?  Cause we needed one another for support.  Neither one us of knew a thing about raising kids.

We became one another’s support system, but I still felt like a mommy failure.  Why did my baby have a major diaper blowout each time we stepped out of the house?  Why did she cry for what seemed like hours?  Why did she always want to nurse when I wanted to eat my hot food?  Why was she rolling everywhere vs. crawling?  The list went on.

A group of animals that are sitting in the dirt.

Animals showing us humans how to support

Fast forward to school age and three kids in total.  I don’t feel like I’m a failure any longer (well, not every day.  There’s still those days I’m trying to figure out a thought process of a child, SMH), but there WERE days I felt ALONE! Alone in this world of being a MAMA.  No one ever talked about wanting to hide from their kids.  No one openly said it was ok to want to go out with friends without the kids and talk about adult things. No one said their kid got on their nerves. Nope, cause if you said it, you were A BAD MOM!  No one said your kids may not always obey you the first time.  No one told me you could teach them to be respectful, but they will still be disrespectful at some point. Everyone just tells you to raise the “perfect” child. Everyone just tells you to put your kids first, but what about yourself?  No one tells you that your baby may learn a bit different from the neighbor and it’s ok. Everyone just tells you the fluff of being a mom.  Nope, not this gal.  I will tell you that my kids drive me insane, but I will also say I love them.  I will tell you that I hide in the bathroom or sit in the car for thirty minutes after arriving home.  And I’m NOT ashamed.

No one tells you their story and gives you the opportunity to openly discuss and ask questions.  Why do I say this? Because I’ve been there, done that. Yeah, I’ve been the lady that other’s chuckled and told me I was wrong for not wanting to be around my kids for the day.  Don’t let someone tell you or make you feel alone in raising your kid(s).  If you need a break, just say it!  If you need advice on getting your child to do chores, ask it.  MomJonz will always put in her 2 cents. It may stink sometimes, but I will always tell my story and our approach to raising kids if asked.  Parenthood isn’t a one size fit all, but you can for certain learn from others experiences and tweak it to fit your home.

So, in closing.  Please remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE in this thing called mommyhood.  Find a mommy friend you can relate to and ROCK this thing of being called MOMMY!

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44 Comments

  4. Excellent post! Thanks for sharing your story. I can relate from many years ago when I was a stay at home mom with my 4 children, including homeschooling them.

    Now my daughter is a stay at home mom, with 2 girls (ages 4 and 2 ) and a third on the way in December! I’m sharing your post, because I know she can relate (she actually just published a post herself on isolation!) I’m going to put her blog link in the website field with this post, in case you would like to check out her blog.

    Reply

  5. Parenting is the most interesting journey any adult could ever undertake, One that no book will ever get you ready for..and I love it! I went through days wondering what the heck I was doing, but somehow with the lil bundle with me I never felt alone. In fact felt more alone while pregnant but not after.
    Thanks for sharing yours MomJonz 🙂

    Reply

  8. thank you for this post. I am a dad and i do spend quite a lot of time with my kids mainly because I work from home and to be honest. YES!! i do hide a lot of times behind my office door with not do not disturb sign.

    well at least now i have a bit more of an understanding what mum goes through, when i am in my own world.

    Reply

  9. Hello you had me in when you said we are not alone. That we can ask for help. I agree you can read but nothing prepares you for the things that can happen or do happen. Then you said we are not a bad mum. Thank you for that. I do sit in the car sometimes before I go inside to face whatever has happened or is happening inside the house. There is always something and it is like the car is a breather. It gives me space for a small time. Then I take a breath and open the car door and go inside and face my children. Oh I love them but as I said there is always something…
    Thank you for sharing this. It touched me today.

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  12. Great article and great advice. You always need a mom friend or two or three because they know what you are going through when most people don’t.

    Reply

  14. I definitely remember the feeling of being alone when I had my first baby. I felt less alone when I had my second one. But with having more kids, I’ve also needed to take time away from them and just be a woman and maybe even pretend I don’t have kids for a few hours while I go shopping or to lunch with my friends. 😉

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  16. I’m not a mom, but this will help me in understanding what moms may go through. Especially those who are single parents.Support is definitely needed.

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  17. Sometimes I feel that way too why wont you stop crying? why are you doing that again after I told you not too! makes me greatful for my mommy group! we’re all in this together!

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  18. Yes! Motherhood definitely isn’t one size fits all, and it’s easy to judge when “our way” seems to work but, everyone has to figure out what works best for them! Great post!

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  21. Thanks for this!! I don’t know what I would do with out my mom friends to laugh, cry and complain too!!! That support is invaluable and keeps me sane and grounded. The truth is we aren’t perfect, but sometimes its hard to extend grace to ourselves with all of the “perfect” mom personas thrown at us my the media!!!

    Reply

  22. Antoinette

    I love this post. It’s important to know that we have support as moms. It can be challenging, mostly because we are so hard on ourselves.

    Reply

  23. I don’t have children but i do think as a mom it is ok to have certain feelings about your children because before you were a mom you were yourself! As a parenting instructor i would often as my parents and the first thing they would say is a mother or father. I would reply i know that but who are you. This was a difficult question for them to answer because they are always in parent mode often forgetting about the,selves in the process.

    Reply

  24. Shelly

    “No one told me you could teach them to be respectful, but they will still be disrespectful at some point.” Yes to this! I can’t tell you how many times we teach them one way and they go out and act like wild animals!

    Reply

  25. I don’t have any kids yet but I can imagine I’ll feel similarly when it happens. I remember my aunt making a big deal of me dressing my cousin “out of order” and yelling “she don’t know nothin about babies”… Sigh. Correct but I still felt slightly shameful. Glad to know you’re feeling better.

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  27. Such good advice!
    I’m so glad I found my “person” who is a fellow mom and we can vent about how our kids make us INSANE. Love them to death, but man do I love a break from them too ?

    Reply

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