You Married Your Husband, Not Your Parents

This is great if you’re married, engaged or want to be married one day. This is the best advice given to me and the best advice I can give as a happily married woman to another woman that wants to be happily married one day.  And yes, I added HAPPILY cause some folks are just married and miserable from all ends.  And being happy in your marriage doesn’t mean that you don’t want to throat punch one another sometimes.  Hey, just keeping it real!  But you gotta learn from day one to keep people out of your relationships and most definitely out of your marriage.  And before I continue, let’s be very specific in this post. Let’s talk about keeping parents out of your marriage!  I will come back to talk about ALL those other folks later.

Keep Folks Out Of Your Marriage- Especially The Parents

Yo, it’s not rocket science to have a healthy and happy marriage.  Keep people out of your business. And that means your mama, your daddy, your in-laws, your friends and your homegirl or homeboy.  Most definitely your parents.  

Look, your mama is your mama, and she’s always going to have your back.  And your mother-in-law…you do realize who she gave birth to, right? That husband of yours will always be her precious little boy.  Don’t even try it.  And if you’re a man reading this, you know your woman’s mama will always support her little princess.  

Wisdom Given To Me Before Saying, “I Do”

Luckily for Dad Jonz and I, we’ve never taken any issues to either of our parents cause I was told by my granny to keep our business in house and this was discussed before our marriage with both of us agreeing to it.  At the same time, I am very close to both of our moms, but they have the same ticket to our lives as the next door neighbors.  That being, no ticket.  You can assume whatever you want.  You can try to peep and figure out what the Jonz family is doing up in here, but I doubt you will.  Why?  Cause it AIN’T none of your business!  And that’s how you should want it to be up in yours.

I talk to both of our moms pretty regularly (I’ve fallen off the wagon these few months) and my father-in-law is a man of very few words.  But, when I speak to our parents they have never asked about our home life outside of asking about the grandkids.  They understand we are grown (you know adults and MUST live and learn) and do not pry into our personal lives.

If I am mad at my husband, I don’t go blabbing it to my mom.  Other than it being none of her business I also don’t want her to think DadJonz is a total jerk!  It’s easy to talk about all the negative that happens and make people assume your marriage is heading for disaster.  The reality can be you have two arguments a year, but because you decided to call your mama and tell her about a five-minute argument that you blew into a three month, 2-hour discussion each day she thinks your husband is the worse man walking this earth.

Is There A Time To Discuss Your Marriage With Your Parents

Marriage is just like all other aspects of your life as an adult.  You must know when to seek help or advice and when to work things out on your own.  So, do I think there’s ever a time to discuss your marriage with your parents?  Yes.  But, I will first recommend that you sit and speak with your husband first.  Way too often there’s NO communication within marriages.  And that doesn’t mean to send a text.  SIT your butt down on the couch and talk!  You’re not three anymore, stop running to tattle on one another. That my friend is a disaster waiting to happen.  

Before you get married, there should be a discussion with your parents about life.  Heck, we all need a little coaching from time to time.  So, just as I stated about receiving wisdom from my granny about being a wife, seek this wisdom from your parents or family members.  Now, don’t take it from the cousin of the 20 kids and 19 baby daddies.  Wait, it may be ok to hear her out.  All the things that you probably shouldn’t allow.  Yep, that’s it.  And no, I’m not bashing unmarried women with children.  I’m just saying that I personally would not seek marital advice from someone with multiple failed relationships unless I’m seeking the advice of what not to do.  Yeah, we all know that person that has all the best advice about love, but single, lonely and miserable.  Don’t listen to them.  Misery loves company. 

In addition to my granny telling me about keeping folks out of our business my mom also told me not to come to her about our issues. WHHAAATTTT???!!!!  You’re my mama. You should want to know what this man did to upset me.  Nope, she told me then and still tells me it’s none of her business.  Well, then thanks, mama!  But on a serious note, I’m happy and blessed she doesn’t want to be all in the business.

Talk to your parents about your expectation of respect within your home and respect of your husband.  Parents forget sometimes.  And yes, we did this with our parents.  It’s not disrespectful, and it may help avoid hurt feelings down the road.

And most importantly…if there is abuse.  You may need help getting out.  Let your parents know, ask them for help, etc. 

Our Secrets To Keep Our Parents Out Of Our Marriage – Simple Tips To Live By

Just my two cents here on ways to help parents to stay out of your marriage.

•  Never go to bed angry.  If your husband did something to tick you off let him know about it.  “Like, dude, we haven’t had a night out in 2 months, but you decided to hang out with the fellas over me. Do you know who you sleep with every night?  Steven isn’t keeping you warm!”  Or something along those lines.  You get the picture.  If you’ve talked to your husband about it, you don’t need to get on the phone and call someone else about it.
• Listen to understand, not hear to respond. Ok, I’m guilty at this one.  I told you guys that I have my faults and will claim them as I talk about things here on my blog and in my FB Group.  I wasn’t great at listening.  I always wanted to get my point across regardless if I was right or wrong because in my world I was always right.  Try to put yourself in your husband’s position and take his day, his feelings, etc. into account before you blast him and continue to cut him off before he even responds.  Yep, guilty, guilty.  SMH I’m getting better though. Don’t put that man in the situation that he wants to call his mama to tell her that you’re always nagging him.  Or make him NOT want to go out with you and hang with the fellas instead.  Ladies, you know we can nag.
• Date one another. Yep, I just saw your eyes roll or head tilt wondering how dating one another will keep your parents out of your business.  Well, if they see you happy and enjoying life they have nothing negative popping in their minds.  Well, they might start wondering about your bank account.  Keep them out of that too!
• Keep your finances to yourself.  This goes back to #1 and #2.  Communication ladies.  Finances are the number one reason for divorces, and it’s usually because the two are NOT on the same page with money.  Learn to work with one another so you don’t have to run to mom or dad to ask for money.  Cause look, let me tell you something.  When our kids are grown and married and if they come to me asking for money. Oh, I’m going to be all in the BUSINESS!  WHY do you need some MONEY????!!!  Cause if I give anyone money, I’m asking what you need it for.  Heck, I ask that now if someone wants to borrow money.  I don’t loan money, so please don’t ask to avoid the side eye stare.

Keep Your Parents Out Of Your Marriage For A Happy Marriage and Life

If you’re still reading at this point, you may be shaking your head in agreement or may be cussing me out.  And it’s all good either way because this is my two cents and I’m just here to share my story, my failures and my successes in hopes to empower you!

DadJonz and I are 15 years and counting, 17 if you count us dating. We both agree that keeping folks up out of our business and especially our parents have been key to our happiness. Mom may be your best friend, but once you say, “I do,” you must leave your parents and take up with your husband.

Your parents are there to support and love you.  Keep that relationship, but don’t bring them into your marriage.  Don’t turn your parents against your husband and don’t turn your husband against your parents.  Now, some of you just have crazy parents, hey that’s ok too. There’s no advice I can give on that matter.  🙂  Just continue to love them.

Spend time, enjoy your parents, but they do not need to know every thing that is going on in your marriage.  Trust me, this just isn’t about parents; this is for everyone.  I will talk about that friend soon.  So, don’t worry your little head.

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Know You, Be You, Love You

~MomJonz

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