What If My Child Wanted To Date Outside Of Their Race

interracial dating
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Interracial teen dating and talking to your kids about it
Photo by cindy baffour on Unsplash

Interracial dating is nothing new these days.  No matter where you go, you will see an interracial couple.  Heck, I remember growing up, and all the white girls who liked the few black boys in our town had to hide it.  It was a major NO, No!

If you’ve read my blog in the past, you know I’ve touched on Race In America.  If you’re in my Facebook Group, you know I even do LIVES talking about Race.  Hey, if we don’t have open, real and raw discussions, we will never grow as individuals nor as a society.

So….the question came up in our home about “dating” (“”cause where are you going?) and dating outside of our race.  Well, I paused and said, “I would throat punch him!”  My child choked and said, “well, that escalated quickly.  So, you would have a problem with us dating a guy outside of our race?”  I casually smiled and said, “I would interrogate any little fella who liked my daughters.”

Let me give you the rundown on my concerns about interracial teen dating for my daughters.

Any little guy who wanted to “date” my daughters would have a series of questions.  And for the young man who was not black, he would have a few more questions. The main one being…. Are YOUR PARENTS AWARE THE GIRL YOU LIKE IS BLACK?!

Why would this be an important and direct question?  She is MY child, and I must protect her.  How will the parents react once they see her?  Will they make insulting comments, mistreat her, etc.?  Are you sneaking to see and talk to her?  All of these things matter to me.  As an adult, you can handle these situations with family members.  As a teen, not so much.

For our daughters, we don’t care who they like, who they date, who they love, or who they marry.  As long as the guy treats them with respect, has goals in life (legitimate goals) and is mannerable.  And the most important thing…LOVES GOD!

Many homes refuse to talk about race because it’s an uncomfortable topic.  The belief is if we don’t acknowledge it, it doesn’t exist.  Maybe you aren’t comfortable with your child dating outside of your race because you have family members or friends who would disapprove.  Maybe you just don’t believe in interracial dating. Or perhaps you have the same concerns as I do.

Take a moment and discuss interracial teen dating with your teen.  Ask them if they are crushing on someone (in general), how to handle the situation if someone is disrespectful to a couple because of being interracial, etc. Teens may need a little help navigating these issues.

You might be trying to figure out how to talk to your teen about interracial teen dating without sounding all weird or “uncool.”  You may be surprised how open your teen is about life once the conversation is presented to them. I won’t lie, I’ve been both surprised and happy about how open our girls have been about their teenage life at school.   Yeah, sometimes they leave me with a blank stare and scratching my head, but providing the space for open discussion is important. No, kids won’t tell you everything, but we want our kids to know we are here for them.

One of our goals with our children is to expose them to as many cultures as possible.  We seek to enroll them in diverse schools and live in diverse neighborhoods.  Diversity is important to help see and understand the world.  Because of this, we know our kids very well may come home crushing on someone outside of their race.

The real world is far beyond our door, our family, our street or that bubble we all try to keep our children behind.  Interracial teen dating happened years ago, and it’s still happening today.  What are your concerns for your teens?  How do you plan on handling it if it presented itself?

Heck, I’m just trying to wrap my mind around knowing my daughter may have a crush or some little guy crushing on my daughter.  Oh, the joys of parenting.  And for those curious minds out there….N0, there’s no young man in the picture at this moment.

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  1. Oh Lord, if my parents ever knew I dated a black guy growing up or even as an adult they’d have probably disowned me. That goes for my sisters and brothers too. I had to hide it!
    Two of my daughter’s have dated black men and I have two grandchildren that are a result of my oldest daughter’s relationship.I never had a problem with who they dated as long as they were treated right.
    My granddaughter dates a young man who is black and they seem to be doing well. I don’t see them much but really like this young man if they decide to go forward. My daughter and son in law are perfectly fine with their relationship and have even taken the young man under their wing since his mom has some real issues with herself mentally.
    I do think it’s very good to have open discussions about this with our kids. My girls were adults already when they dated but we did have some discussions that I believe were healthy for all of us.
    They’ve had issues whether who they dated were black or white and discovered sometimes they made bad choices but got through them. It didn’t have so much to do with race just issues of things like drug use or dishonesty they had to deal with.

    1. I won’t lie, I was a bit shocked about talking about dating in general. Where did my little girl go? lol Having these open and honest discussions are needed. I always say….don’t give me surprises, I don’t surprises. Let me know what’s going on and we’ll be good. Bad choices see no color, it happens in every race for sure.

  2. Well Sybil, as you know, I am not against interracial dating/marrying at all! I think it does not matter what color your skin is! Heck, how many times did we have these talks when you were here. I had to get “black hair 101” from you just in case one of my sons married a black woman and I had interracial grandbabies, I would know how to take care of their hair!

    I think the most important thing within any family is open communication on both sides. You do have to point out that there will be difficulties while dating interracially as others will not understand and just prepare them that whatever decisions that make, they need to think about the consequences and are they okay with it and are they willing to fight for what they believe in. That is also true in all areas of life! I have been so lucky, as my guys are very open with me and tell me way more than I ever wanted to know sometimes! I have always emphasized with my guys that I love them no matter what life they choose and who they choose to have in their life! I want them in my life, so I love them no matter what and accept them for who they are! I am so blessed to have two awesome grown men now!

    1. Communication is the key for all things in life. As I get older, I realize this more and more. ROFL…OMG, yes, the black hair 101 lessons were the best.

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