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Back in 2018, I wrote a blog post called Be Proud of You!, encouraging people to celebrate themselves and their accomplishments. Big or small, I believed then, and still believe today, that you should be proud of what you’ve achieved. Shoot, sometimes just making it through the week is an accomplishment worth celebrating!

Well, here we are eight years later, and I’m still singing that same tune. But lately, I’ve been noticing something that has me scratching my head. When did being proud of yourself, your children, your spouse, or even your friends become something people feel the need to apologize for? It seems like we’ve gotten to a place where someone can’t share a little good news without somebody interpreting it as bragging, showing off, or trying to make someone else feel bad.

Since when did celebrating someone else’s success automatically mean you’re putting another person down?

Can We Just Let People Be Happy?

Think about it. You get a promotion, start a business, buy a house, reach a personal goal, or finally accomplish something you’ve been working toward for years. You’re excited and want to share your good news, but before you do, you start thinking about how other people might receive it.

• Will they think I’m bragging?
• Will someone feel bad because they haven’t accomplished the same thing?
• Should I just keep it to myself?

And don’t even get me started on how we sometimes handle celebrating our children. Your child makes the honor roll, gets accepted into college, wins an award, or accomplishes something that makes you want to shout it from the rooftops. But somewhere along the way, we’ve started hearing that we shouldn’t celebrate too loudly because another child might not have had the same success.

Now, hold on a minute. Are we really suggesting that one child’s accomplishment should be downplayed because another child didn’t achieve the same thing?

I’m not saying we should walk around acting like we’re better than everybody else. There’s absolutely a difference between being proud and being arrogant. But I also believe there’s a difference between being considerate of other people’s feelings and feeling responsible for making sure nobody ever feels disappointed.

If I say I’m proud of my children, that doesn’t mean your children aren’t doing wonderful things. If I celebrate something my husband accomplished, that doesn’t mean I’m suggesting your spouse isn’t successful. And if I share something I’m proud of in my own life, I’m certainly not telling you that your life is somehow less important.

Sometimes people are simply HAPPY. Can we let them have their moment?

When Did Cheering for Our Children Become a Problem?

Recently, a story about a three-year-old boy named Nevada playing soccer in Florida caught my attention. This little guy apparently has some impressive soccer skills, and what should have been a fun youth soccer experience turned into a controversy involving his parents, other adults, and league officials.

His parents say people were upset because he was playing too well, while league officials have offered a different account involving concerns about physical play and adult behavior. I wasn’t there, and I’m not about to pretend I know everything that happened. But the conversation surrounding the story got me thinking about something much bigger than a soccer game.

Are we teaching our children to celebrate their abilities, or are we teaching them to hold back because someone else might not be as good at something?

And yes, before somebody jumps into the comments, I absolutely believe in good sportsmanship. Children need to learn how to win, lose, share, follow the rules, and respect others. Parents also need to know how to behave on the sidelines. There’s cheering for your child, and then there’s acting a complete fool at a children’s sporting event. Two different things!

But when did cheering for your child become something we have to second-guess? When did being excited about a child’s talent become a problem simply because another child may not have the same ability?

Every child isn’t going to be the fastest runner, the best soccer player, the strongest reader, or the student with the highest grades. And that’s okay! We all have different strengths and abilities. Isn’t that part of what we’re supposed to be teaching our children?

And just so you know…I am CHEERING and CHEERING LOUD for mine!

Are We Teaching Our Children Humility or to Hide Their Success?

This is the part that bothers me the most. We tell our children to work hard, believe in themselves, follow their dreams, and be proud of their accomplishments. But then we sometimes turn around and tell them not to celebrate too much because someone else might feel bad.

So which is it?

Are we teaching our children humility, or are we teaching them to make themselves smaller to keep other people comfortable?

Because there’s a BIG difference. Being humble doesn’t mean pretending you aren’t talented or acting like something you worked hard for isn’t a big deal. You can be humble and proud. You can be confident and kind. You can celebrate winning while showing compassion to someone who lost.

And here’s another thought. Instead of always focusing on teaching the child who succeeds not to celebrate too loudly, what if we also spent time teaching the other children how to celebrate someone else’s accomplishments?

What if we taught them that someone else’s success doesn’t mean they’ve failed? That it’s okay to be disappointed when things don’t go their way, but they can still be happy for someone else?

Because guess what? They’re going to need those lessons as adults, too.

Not everyone will get the promotion. Not everyone will get accepted into their first-choice college. Not everyone will get the job, win the award, or reach a goal at the same time.

That’s LIFE! And learning how to handle disappointment without resenting someone else’s happiness is a pretty important life skill.

Why Do Adults Downplay Their Accomplishments?

Let’s not put all of this on the children because some of us grown folks struggle with celebrating accomplishments, too. I will go ahead and admit, I have found myself downplaying certain accomplishments. I’ve noticed this more over the past 5 years. I swear something in my brain changed after my stroke. No, worries, I’m shaking that off and getting back to be PROUD. Ok, anywhoo….

How many times have you hesitated to share something wonderful happening in your life because you didn’t want someone to think you were showing off? Maybe things are going well in your marriage, your business is growing, you’ve reached a personal milestone, or you’re simply enjoying this season of life. But instead of sharing your excitement, you start adding little disclaimers.

I’m not trying to brag, but…

I don’t want anyone to take this the wrong way, but…

Why do we feel the need to explain our happiness before we even share it?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I believe there’s a time and place for everything, and being sensitive to what someone else is going through matters. If a friend is struggling, of course I’m going to be thoughtful about how I approach certain conversations. That’s part of caring about people.

But being considerate shouldn’t mean you have to constantly hide the good things happening in your life.

And when it comes to friendships, I want people around me who can celebrate with me, just as I want to celebrate with them. People who can say, “Girl, you DID that!” and genuinely mean it. Not because everything in their lives is perfect, but because they understand that someone else’s happiness doesn’t take anything away from their own.

That’s the kind of energy I want around me. And that’s the kind of friend I want to be.

And here’s something else to think about. Research suggests that sharing good news with people who genuinely celebrate with us can actually strengthen our relationships. Imagine that! Being happy for somebody else can be a GOOD thing! According to the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, sharing our good news and receiving a positive response can help build stronger connections.

So why are we making people feel like they need to keep their happiness to themselves?

There’s Room for All of Us to Shine

One thing life has taught me is that things can change in an instant. So when there’s something worth celebrating, I’m going to celebrate it. That doesn’t mean I’m ignoring someone else’s struggles or pretending life is always sunshine and rainbows. Trust me, I know better.

It simply means I’ve learned that we can hold space for more than one thing at a time. We can show compassion for someone who’s struggling while celebrating someone who’s succeeding. We can acknowledge that people have different opportunities, abilities, and timelines without making anyone feel guilty about where they are in life.

We don’t have to dim one person’s light to make someone else’s shine brighter. And we certainly shouldn’t teach our children that being proud of themselves is something they need to hide.

So yes, eight years after writing my original Be Proud of You! blog post, I’m still encouraging you to celebrate yourself. Celebrate your children, your spouse, your friends, and the people you love. Cheer for them, congratulate them, and let them know you’re proud.

Just remember that celebrating someone doesn’t require tearing someone else down. And being on the receiving end of someone else’s good news doesn’t mean you have to compare their life to yours.

Let’s Talk About It!

Have we become so concerned about hurting other people’s feelings that we’re teaching ourselves and our children to downplay accomplishments?

Where do YOU draw the line between being proud and bragging? And should we ever ask someone to celebrate a little less because another person hasn’t experienced the same success?

Come on, let’s talk about it. I really want to hear what you think!

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